From the Desk of Ellen Fisher - November 2009

Parents Weekend

A couple weekends ago my husband and I went to Washington DC to attend Parents' Weekend at American University where our son, Seneca, is a freshman. In person, Seneca is rather chatty, but when it comes to long distance communication, I am pretty sure he has taken a vow of silence. Phone calls are nonexistent, emails are requests for things he needs, and text messages are his means of apologizing for forgetting our weekly Sunday evening phone conversation - yet again.

To make matters worse, Seneca lost his cell phone a week before we were to visit. As the weekend approached with no word about where and when our meet-up would occur, I increased the volume of my emails. Certain that all my messages were lost in the ether, angry that cases of his favorite Gatorade had been taking up valuable space in my trunk for the last couple weeks, and ready to cancel our expensive hotel room, the phone rang. The conversation went something like this:

Seneca: Hi, mom. I'm using a friend's phone that isn't very good. Did you get the Gatorade?
Me: Yes. What's all that noise?
Seneca: Just some friends.
Me: What time should we...
SILENCE - DROPPED CALL

He called back:

Seneca: Mom-
Me: What time sh...
SILENCE - DROPPED CALL

We eventually spoke long enough for me to find out that he had two Ultimate Frisbee tournaments during the weekend (both off-campus) and that our time together would be limited. Cancelling the hotel room crossed my mind, yet again, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that all signs (mostly the non-verbal ones) were pointing to the fact that my son was happy and enjoying his new friends and life on campus.

The plan was to go to his dorm room (a triple on the basement level) as soon as we arrived at American U. He wouldn't be there, but would leave the dorm room unlocked so we could pick up our agenda for the day. I wish there were such a thing as scratch and sniff email, because I am not certain how to describe the puff of air that met me when the dorm room door opened. The stench caused me to take a step back. The closest I can get to describing it is a cross between an unclean boys' locker room and old wet clothes. When I mentioned the pungency of the room to Seneca over dinner, he said he knew it smelled a bit and that's why he bought a plug-in air freshener before our arrival.

In the pitch dark, because both his roommates were still asleep, my husband and I waded through a sea of discarded clothing to get to Seneca's desk. The papers were on the printer, right where he had promised they wound be. Success!

Communication is key not only in personal matters, but also in business. The clearer you state your needs, the more likely you will get what you want. But when it comes to garnering information, questions are the way to go. It's true that asking that right questions will better your chances of getting answers that can help you move the conversation forward. Sometimes, however, asking the wrong question, or being a bit too vague, can net you valuable information that would have otherwise been missed.

Take, for example, a conversation we had with Seneca over dinner during Parents' Weekend. Wanting to find out what kinds of things he was doing outside of classes, I asked him if he had tried any clubs. Expecting him to come back with info on a debate club or maybe a community service group, his response threw me for a loop. He said, "Yeah. We go to clubs all the time. They let 18-year olds in down here. They stamp us so we can't drink, but they're still fun."

Our weekend with Seneca was wonderful. Clubbing aside, he made us proud and impressed us so many times over the course of the weekend, that by the time we got in the car to head back home, our faces hurt from smiling. I was right; he really is happy.